1. Don't
sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila,
two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a
non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved
from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5.
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
6. I went to a
bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'where's the self-help section?' She
said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there
were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf
person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with
multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, Is it considered a hostage
situation?
10. Is there
another word for synonym?
11. Where do
forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
12. What do you do
when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley
farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly
without wings be called a walk?
15 Why do they
lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle
doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can
vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police
arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they
put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they
get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the
best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing
about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
23. Does the
little mermaid wear an algebra?
24. If you spin an
oriental person in a circle three times do they become disoriented?
25. How is it
possible to have a civil war?
26. If one
synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
27. If you ate
both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to
fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel
idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
30. Why is there
an expiration date on sour cream?
31. Why is it
called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
